My first attempt to go to sleep last night began at around 1am. Soon thereafter, I found myself still wide awake but with my eyes tightly shut so as to somehow trick my body into falling asleep. It didn’t work. My thoughts were rushing in at the speed of light. It felt as though someone hit fast forward in my brain and I could suddenly hear all my thoughts rush together, in a fast, high pitched, chipmunk, fast forwarded way. Every one of my thoughts seemed magnified. Finally, at around 1:40am I decided to get up and turn my computer back on to find out how long my prospective study abroad program will last (one of the questions that seemed dire at the moment). Hoping that the answer to this would ease my mind, I went back to bed for attempt number two at sleeping. Unsuccessful. Once again, thoughts started to rush in. Things that would normally not be of such significance seemed so crucial and nerve wracking. It felt as though everything that I have to get done in the next 6 months had to be done that very night. Finally, at around 3:30am, I’m guessing, I dozed off. When I woke up at around 8am - thoughts still lingering, to the sound of drilling outside - I somehow felt relieved and relaxed. It was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders and I was totally aware that I can take on every single thing that is coming my way. Everything that I had been worrying and stressing over, every thought that had seemed so scary and nerve wracking suddenly felt manageable and conquerable. It seemed like my thoughts had been taken out from under my own neurotic microscope and I could breathe again.
